January 21, 2007
love
I have no money. End of story, and the girls are gonna freeze if I don’t get the money into BG&E. This is just a disintegrating situation, but how, in god’s name does one get out of a lease? I couldn’t tell you the first step in survival. With each check I sign I feel like a little chip of my soul now belongs to some unnamed, no-face bill collector. God help my W-2.
You ever notice how hospital rooms have some form of décor that attempts to recreate a comfortable, domestic feel? Well the one I was in tonight, oh and that’s another story, but the one I was in tonight was sans all of that, except for the oddest light covering. All of the 8X10 florescent lights that unsurprisingly flickered in their respective places adjacent to the foam drop ceiling, were normal, except for the one in the corner. Some form of a blue plastic landscape photograph covered this one, and as I was waiting for the nurse to return and unstrap me from the stirrups, it unnerved me. I was ready to launch away from my IV cart and destroy the plastic.
Now I’m not a violent person in the least, but even past the needles and the pain, I was ready to destroy, crush, annihilate, and all around butcher the fucking blue plastic.
Anyways I didn’t, and I’m alright, and I’m home.
I’m in love by the way. I’m not sure if it’s appropriate to say “by the way” after a statement like that one. But it’s the truth none the less. I once read that “by the way” was a profanity, as the only way would be God’s way….
but back on topic:
I found myself a big teddy bear. He’s got his flaws as we all do, and I couldn’t tell you why, but I love him.
It’s an odd feeling, as I’ve never been in love with someone who loved me back. He doesn’t always show it the best, but on day like today, I know it. He shuffled me all over Maryland taking me from work to home to clinic to hospital to home again. He waited in the ER for 2 hours worrying about me, and didn’t complain once.
I never knew someone who would do that for me before. Literally no one.
But this is what my life is now.
personal | By west | 01:40 AM