October 09, 2007
Have Mercy
I never thought it would be like this. A miscarriage. I didn’t want to have a baby, but oh god, did it still hurt to loose it. I can’t have a baby now, and defiantly not with him. The same man the last post was about. He doesn’t love me, he’s still so much a child (26 or not), and neither of us has the income. It’s the best result I could have gotten, considering the circumstances. I don’t think I could go through with an abortion, and I wouldn’t have survived going full term and having to give him/her up for adoption. I keep rationalizing it in my head, trying to thank God for taking it away, taking it home, taking it back, but the words are so false and forced.
After just leaving the hospital about 30 min ago, driving my sobbing ass home, and smoking 9 million cigarettes, all I can think of is the irony.
Today in the mail, I received a special present from my aunt. It was a patron saint medal she had ordered for me off the internet. I’m catholic you see (though not the best one), and as Catholics when you are confirmed in the faith you pick a name to be blessed with, usually of the name of a saint, angel, holy place, or virtue. I have always felt a strong pull to the Blessed Virgin Mother Mary, and have often asked her for guidance and to pray for me, so I chose her sister (or cousin as some texts read) Elizabeth, mother of John the Baptist. She was known as Elizabeth of the Visitation, as she was the first to know of Mary’s pregnancy with the Son of God. Her own pregnancy was remarkable as well, as she was far too old to bare a son when she did to her husband Zachary.
What I could never really figure out was what she was the patron saint of, and it never really bothered me as that wasn’t the reason I picked her.
Catholic.org describes a patron saint as:
“…chosen as special protectors or guardians over areas of life. These areas can include occupations, illnesses, churches, countries, causes -- anything that is important to us.”
Archangel Michael is the patron saint of police officers, St. Lucy of the blind, and St. Genesius of actors. You can even find patron saints of bell makers, birds, bohemia, waitresses, weavers, and Wyoming.
But back to my surprise present. Well when I opened my package and excitedly clasped my new silver medal around my neck, I read the card that she was attached to:
“Elizabeth of the Visitation,” it read “Patron Saint of expectant mothers.”
personal | By west | 02:41 AM
Comments
I'm so sorry, West.
Posted by: Malnurtured Snay at October 10, 2007 12:21 AM